an odd little conversation with Sue…

I had a moment today, the rarest second of true joy when the preschool that’s located in my building brought their littles ones to visit all decked out for Halloween. Did I say joy? I meant wonderment. Happiness. Peace.

The teachers knocked on my door, so relieved that someone was there to see their costumes. It would’ve been a shame if the office had been empty.

Such cuties and they looked so… earnest. Serious and I realized, each one, for this briefest of moments were no longer humans, but superheros…Good, witches, Superman, and every masked crusader shuffled to my door with wide eyes and no smiles. I tried not to grin. I did not coo over their puffed up sleeves and six-pack abs stuffed with cotton, their chiffon gowns and princess tiaras.  I wanted to honor their imaginations.

I wanted to be them.

With all the stress and worry this past weekend, I forgot to breathe. I’d waged a war with my body and lost. Here for you is the running conversation that still will not stop…

Sue’s body: You’re stressed.

Sue’s mind: Am not.

A long pause. Body: Are too. See, you’re jaw aches again.

Just ’cause I ate too many peanuts and carrots. They’re hard to chew.

Body: That’s lame.

Mind sticks its tongue out at body.

Body: You’ve lost weight again. At 98 lbs, that won’t fly.

Mind: I’ve been busy, doing dishes, damn it, washing clothes and bedding, running to the store for the umpteenth time, trying to prep for this superstorm. Let off, will you?

Body: No can do.

Mind, ready to swear…

Body: Look, you survived. You wanna know what your problem is, Sue?

Mind: You’re a pain in my –

You don’t know how to trust.

And there it is for you, folks. The truth buried in humor. I hold on too tight to everything, try to control every situation to bring about a good outcome. I don’t know how to live any other way. The sad part? We had only a brief lapse in power, where there are millions still without… we saw no flooding, no trees came down on our house- thousands of other’s did. We weren’t hurt and too many lost their lives to this storm.

Therein lies the fruitlessness of worry. Therein lies the power of faith.

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4 thoughts on “an odd little conversation with Sue…

  1. Karen

    Worrying is akin to a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere. As a recovering constant worrywart, I understand your conversations with self. One is the rational voice, the other is the juvenile whiner. In the big panoramic of the universe, there is no place for worry-replace it with action, find the positive, recognize the challenges and move forward. I’m with you in spirit, Sue.

    • Yeah it is. Great analogy. I’m trying to listen to my “body” more, trying to honor the place I’m in right now. It’s hard – I just want the demands, the worry to go away. I’m so relieved to know you’ve found a way to break through the worry, so glad that it’s possible. Thanks for visiting, Karen. Now that the storm’s past – I’m looking forward to having energy for your paintings. Gert and Stu need me!

  2. free penny press

    The demands and worry may not fully go away but it’s how you allow them to control you. I still catch myself starting to stress about this & that and force myself to focus only on things I can control. the erst has to go sit on the sidelines.. Hope you find that balance 🙂

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