I had a moment today, the rarest second of true joy when the preschool that’s located in my building brought their littles ones to visit all decked out for Halloween. Did I say joy? I meant wonderment. Happiness. Peace.
The teachers knocked on my door, so relieved that someone was there to see their costumes. It would’ve been a shame if the office had been empty.
Such cuties and they looked so… earnest. Serious and I realized, each one, for this briefest of moments were no longer humans, but superheros…Good, witches, Superman, and every masked crusader shuffled to my door with wide eyes and no smiles. I tried not to grin. I did not coo over their puffed up sleeves and six-pack abs stuffed with cotton, their chiffon gowns and princess tiaras. I wanted to honor their imaginations.
I wanted to be them.
With all the stress and worry this past weekend, I forgot to breathe. I’d waged a war with my body and lost. Here for you is the running conversation that still will not stop…
Sue’s body: You’re stressed.
Sue’s mind: Am not.
A long pause. Body: Are too. See, you’re jaw aches again.
Just ’cause I ate too many peanuts and carrots. They’re hard to chew.
Body: That’s lame.
Mind sticks its tongue out at body.
Body: You’ve lost weight again. At 98 lbs, that won’t fly.
Mind: I’ve been busy, doing dishes, damn it, washing clothes and bedding, running to the store for the umpteenth time, trying to prep for this superstorm. Let off, will you?
Body: No can do.
Mind, ready to swear…
Body: Look, you survived. You wanna know what your problem is, Sue?
Mind: You’re a pain in my –
You don’t know how to trust.
And there it is for you, folks. The truth buried in humor. I hold on too tight to everything, try to control every situation to bring about a good outcome. I don’t know how to live any other way. The sad part? We had only a brief lapse in power, where there are millions still without… we saw no flooding, no trees came down on our house- thousands of other’s did. We weren’t hurt and too many lost their lives to this storm.
Therein lies the fruitlessness of worry. Therein lies the power of faith.